I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
