so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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