Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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