I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
