so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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