So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
