Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize