I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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