I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Duck Duck Cougar?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
