i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
