Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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