I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
