A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
