sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
