A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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