Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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