Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
