My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
