My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
