Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
