last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
