I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
