My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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