By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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