Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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