Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
