Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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