their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
