I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
