If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
