im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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