My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
