U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
