i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
