I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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