On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bring me that man meat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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