Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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