i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
