I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
