Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
