I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
