youre lurking in front of me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
