I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
