I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
