the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
