woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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