just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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