i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
