There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
