I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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