just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
