yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Life is so much better after having sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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