He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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