i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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