no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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