I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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