Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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