i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.