yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night