I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights