hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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