By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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