I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off