I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle