"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
