The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
