u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
