I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
