I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
