All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
