the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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