The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
