just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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