you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
