He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
