He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
