Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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