I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
