So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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