oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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